Whether from a need for excitement in one’s life or what, sometimes you just find yourself doing something that only moments before had never even entered your mind. Such was the case the night of Dorothy’s 30th birthday party. I arrived a little early to help her set out snacks and pick out music. I certainly didn’t arrive with the intention of kidnapping her garden Gnome but as I walked up to the house, I noticed him sitting in an old planter by the door. We eyed each other for a moment, and then I simply picked him up, put him in the back of my car, and continued on as if nothing happened. When Dorothy came to the door to let me in, she never even noticed his absence. (I feel I should add here that there is nothing in my past that might suggest any sort of mania of a “klepto” nature).
The party was a great success with much laughing and dancing and it was quite late by the time I headed home. I almost forgot about the gnome in the back seat until I felt his eyes on me.
When I got home, I brought him in and sat him in a kitchen chair, and then I went to bed. The next morning I was sipping coffee when my daughter Kaitlin got up and came down to the kitchen.
“Do you know that there’s a garden gnome sitting at the kitchen table?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Okay then.” She went about making herself some breakfast. A little while later my son got up. “Cool Gnome” he said as he headed towards the fridge.
While on my second cup of coffee my husband came downstairs. “Why is there a garden Gnome at the kitchen table?” he asked no one in particular. “Ask Mom”, my daughter volunteered. My husband looked at me. “Should I ask?” he wondered. “Probably not” I answered.
Later that morning my daughter finally said, “So really, what’s with the Gnome?”
I explained how it came to be at our table and that I was trying to decide what to do about it. We put our heads together. Sometime later there were several digital photos of the gnome ready to print. We put black tape over his eyes and mouth and tied him to the kitchen chair with rope. Kaitlin put on a “Scream” halloween mask and posed beside him holding a large kitchen knife threateningly! Then we both collapsed into giggles that lasted for several minutes.
The piece de resistance was finding a font called Ransom that my friend Doug kindly provided at work the next morning once I explained what I was up to. The print looks just like you cut letters out of a magazine or newspaper. It was perfect! When Dorothy arrived at work that morning, the letter along with the photos was waiting on her desk. The letter went something like this: We have your Gnome. Do not call the police! If you ever want to see him again deliver one dozen chocolate chip cookies to the file cabinet in the middle of the accounting department (Dorothy makes awesome chocolate chip cookies!). Signed: the kidnappers. PS: I had a really good time at your birthday party on Saturday night.
The next morning there was a plate of chocolate chip cookies sitting on the appointed file cabinet, which I promptly shared with Doug! They were delicious. The Gnome was of course returned unharmed, and as far as I know, he never talked!
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