I have a theory.....

Written to cheer up my friend who is not speaking to her husband because he makes her mental!



I have a theory….

You know the story of the fox and scorpion? Both want to cross a raging river, and of course, the fox is the only one that can swim. The scorpion asks the fox to carry him over on his head. Naturally, the fox refuses and says, “I’m afraid that if I let you sit on my head, you will sting me and I will be paralyzed and then drown in the river!” The scorpion replies, “Don’t be ridiculous. If I sting you, we both drown, why would I do that?” The fox thinks about this for a moment, and then agrees to take the scorpion across. Before they are even halfway, the fox feels the sting of the scorpion’s tail. “What are you doing?” he gasps, “now we will both die!”
“I can’t help it,” says the scorpion, “it’s my nature”.

Renowned child developmental psychologist Jean Piaget advanced the theory many years ago that, among other things, all children are essentially egocentric (unable to appreciate anyone else’s point of view or feelings) until about the age of seven. Piaget came to this conclusion after years of research and study of children’s behavior. I would like to further his work by advancing my own theory, that Piaget apparently never really paid attention to the adult male. Having studied this species up close for several years, I propose that Piaget only had it half right. Female children are completely egocentric until the age of seven – males, never really change!

Let’s examine, if we can, why this is so. If all children are born this way, why is it that males fail to reach the next developmental stage? First and foremost, it is in their nature, in some deep biological way that we may never fully understand. Secondly, I blame mothers.

If a male child is allowed to think that the sun rises and sets on his beaming little face, then he will. If he is pampered, and catered to and never has to examine anyone else’s feelings but his own, than he won’t. I submit to you dear reader that this is often the case. One could suppose that an older sibling, who is tasked with watching over younger ones, will learn to subjugate his needs to some extent, but I fear that in reality the male child probably threatened and locked his younger siblings in the closet when he was supposed to be looking after them. But this still does not fully answer the question of why just men? Why do men suffer from this arrested development and not women? Women play with dolls! They learn from a very early age that someone else’s needs can take precedence over their own, that they are important and need to be fulfilled. Women are also more likely to have looked after younger siblings and not locked them in a closet.

When a women marries, this is reinforced again as she discovers that her Man depends on her and needs her in a way no one else ever has before and she will subjugate her needs to his – sometimes subconsciously, and sometimes just because she has worked all day and is tired and just wants him to stop talking!


The conclusion we can draw from this is that men cannot help themselves. They were born this way, and were subsequently raised in an environment that only served to reinforce the idea. Nature, reinforced by nurture! Therefore, when your spouse cannot seem to close a door quietly when you are asleep, or feels the need to wake you up to talk because he is not tired; when he hums, taps his feet, drums his fingers and sighs loudly when you are watching your favourite television show – because he is bored – consider this before you kill him: He can’t help it, he is made this way!

Ha! You are saying, I finally understand! I just thought he was nuts! Not so, at least not in any definable way.

This is an important research breakthrough for two very specific reasons: One, to save marriages everywhere, and in some extreme cases, prevent death. And two, because we can still change these unfortunate patterns. We can still save brothers, sons, and grandsons, not to mention countless women who will suffer at their hands if we do not intervene. We can do this – it’s not too late.

Nancy Raimondo